Awaiting Ragnarok

The surge is working!

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 03:57:24 GMT

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/02/01/iraq.main/index.html

Man, those of us who said this whole thing would be a disaster sure have been proved wrong.

Lotsa dust 'n cobwebs in here

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 22:54:31 GMT

*taptaptap* Is this thing on?

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 13:37:31 GMT

I saw Bruce Springsteen last night.

I was 30 or 40 feet from the stage.

It was the best fucking concert I've ever seen.

Heh

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 15:54:06 GMT

Doonesbury today. Definitely worth a look. It's something I can identify with.

Consequences of Theocracy

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 21:28:17 GMT

Here's one to make your blood run cold: Two homosexual Iranian teenage boys were held in prison for 14 months, given 228 lashes with a whip and then hung.

Full story here including a picture of the condemned on the gallows.

Well, that was a new one...

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 07:07:12 GMT

Went to see "Batman Begins" for the second time tonight and it was even more awesome this time around.

I dropped Amanda off at our place, then went to Sheetz to grab a drink and listen to some tunes on the ol' iPod. I take the long way back as I am wont to do. Everything's going fine until I nearly had a head on collision with a deer.

And I'm not just talking about the standard "Deer-jumps-out-from-side-of-the-road-in-front-of-you-slam-on-the-brakes-in-the-nick-of-time" thing. Nope, I'm driving along when suddenly, in the middle of my lane, I see a deer barreling down it at top speed, straight toward me.

Believe it or not, I actually didn't hit the brakes instantly...it took what felt like a long time (though it was probably a second at most) to register just what was happening. "What the fu....That can't be....no...holy fuck it is!!!"

I hit the brakes and braced for impact because it was CLOSE at that point (and I'm talking close enough to see the expression on its face...not that deer HAVE expressions, but you see what I mean), when at what had to be the last possible microsecond it veered into the other lane and continued its gallop, presumably having tired of playing chicken with cars and now wanting to try to race them. I was also able to keep from soiling myself, though just by the barest of margins.

Stupid deer. I'm going hunting this year, specifically to ice that thing's tick-ridden furry ass.

In defense of Episode III...

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 22:58:32 GMT

It has come to my attention that I'm in the decided minority amongst my friends when it comes to opinions on the relative merits of "Star Wars: Episode III--Revenge of the Sith." That is to say, I thought it was pretty fucking GREAT movie, the best since "The Empire Strikes Back" and maybe the best of the six. Many other people whose opinions I respect seemed rather underwhelmed by it. So, I thought while I let my chicken marinade for dinner that I'd take a few moments and enumerate the reasons why I thought it was good.

--First, I think it's George Lucas' most mature film ever. I obviously don't mean subject matter--I don't think Lucas has ever made a "mature" film in that sense of the world--but in terms of his growth as a director. The lighting in the scene where Anakin is speaking to Yoda reminded me of nothing so much as when Martin Sheen speaks to Marlon Brando in "Apocalypse Now"...both men sitting in light and shadow, torn by both, foreshadowing their futures. You never have seen anything like that in any other Lucas film. Also, the montage of the massacre of the Jedi was AWESOME, again something I've never seen Lucas do in that fashion. Which leads me into my second point...

--John Williams' score. HOLY CRAP about sums up my feelings on that one. This was his best "Star Wars" score since he composed the original music for Episode IV. He perfectly combined snatches of music from the other films with some hauntingly beautiful new stuff. This is probably his best overall score since "Amistad" if not "Schindler's List."

--The digital video. When I heard Lucas was shooting Episodes II and III entirely on digital video way back in 2001 or so, I was nonplussed to say the least. My worst fears were borne out when I saw Episode II and the video-to-film-transfer looked--to put it mildly--really fucking shitty. Not so here, as this was a breathtakingly beautiful film with some of the best "Star Wars" settings I've ever seen. The planet where the final battle between Vader and Obi-Wan takes place was especially good. Kudos also to the cinematographer, David Tattersall.

--Hayden Christensen. With the exception of one or two scenes, he was absolutely boring as piss in Episode II. Here, not so. Why? Simple...the role was better suited to his limited acting abilities in this movie. It's the same reason Keanu Reeves was perfect for Neo in "The Matrix" movies. All he had to do was look perpetually confused. He can do that easily. All Christensen had to do in this movie was be confused and/or angry at any given time. Given the fact that most men are either confused or angry most of the day, it wasn't exactly a stretch of his abilities, I'm sure. So, he came across as much more effective.

--Ian McDiarmid. You know...Palpatine. The Chancellor. The Emperor. Darth Sidious. Whatever. In any case, he delivered the single best solo performance in any of the six movies. The way he subtly tempted Anakin and slowly broke down his defenses and planted the seeds of the Dark Side in his mind was fucking incredible, and also an example of truly GOOD dialogue, something Lucas has never been any good at all at. Watch the movie again sometime and pay close attention to his facial expressions, his eyes, and especially the tones of his voice. It reminded me of Iago and Othello, really.

--"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about. Yes, it was stupid. But I wonder if it wasn't a function of the fact that it was Darth Vader showing actual emotion, something we'd never seen before. He was always an ice cold killing machine. Not so here, and I think the unfamiliarity of it made the scene suffer. Just a thought.

--Ewan McGregor. Did the same thing Alec Guiness did in the same role for the previous trilogy...brought class and credibility to films and a role that desperately needed it.

--The romance. We all know Lucas' dialogue generally sucks. As we had to suffer through in Episode II, his romantic dialogue REALLY REALLY REALLY HORRIBLY DISGUSTINGLY sucks. In this movie, he took a clue, and only included a few obligatory romantic scenes and they at least had the benefit of being short.

Finally, and this is most important...

--FUN AND ADVENTURE, which is really what all the movies are about. Episode I, thanks that annoying little fucking troll Jake Lloyd (Jar Jar, I can deal with...this kid made me wish John Wayne Gacy was still alive and in business) was a lot like watching some shitty PBS kids program at times. Episode II, with the exception of three scenes (The Sand People massacre and aftermath, the discovery of the true nature of stormtroopers, and Mace Windu killing Jengu Fett) was, in the words of Roger Ebert, about as exciting as watching CSPAN.

Remember, one of the original inspirations for Star Wars was the old Flash Gordon serials. What defined those? Very obvious good and evil. Overblown, ridiculous action sequences. Absurd storylines. Cheesy, stilted dialogue. But you know what? They were more fun than a barrel of masturbating monkeys to watch. The same with Star Wars. It seemed like Lucas had forgotten that in Episodes I and II and finally recaptured that feeling with Episode III, just a little darker--which is fine.

--All the loose ends, with a few small exceptions, were tied together and made to fit with the first trilogy. I didn't think Lucas could do it, and I commend him for it. The movie would have suffered a lot if he hadn't.

Sure, I had my complaints. But they were minor, so I won't bother to enumerate them unless you really want to know. This is long enough, and I think I've gotten my point across. I guess my point is: rent it when it comes out on DVD or catch it at a dollar theater and see it again, keeping in mind what I've just said.

Or don't.

Just as long as you acknowledge that I'm right.

Why I dig the Brits

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 15:33:51 GMT

A British commenter over at Atrios' site:

"Greetings from London

This morning everyone was piling onto buses, trains, anyway they could to get to work. We usually like to take a sickie, but not today. We'd rather sit at our desks doing fuck all than be cowered.

Gotta love this place."

That's the thing about the British I think is so damn cool, despite their many other flaws. Nothing--and I mean NOTHING--can shake them. They've been through it all already! War, disease, famine, plague, terrorism, murder, mayhem...they've been there, done that, got the ticket stub to prove it. London burned to the ground once and was practically destroyed by concentrated air bombing campaigns TWICE. Their capital! Ours has only been destroyed once.

Hell, not so long ago the IRA lobbed mortar rounds(!) at Number 10 Downing Street...the Prime Minister's residence for Christ's sake! Can you imagine if someone lobbed mortar rounds at the White House?! The entire American nation would collectively shit itself. But the Brits? "Fuck off now chap, there's a good fellow."

That's why it was stupid for these al-Qaeda fucks to even waste time and resources attacking Britain in the first place. Just because they're a well developed, wealthy Western nation doesn't mean they are the parcel of scared sheep the United States is. (I realize I'm generalizing here bigtime, but you see my point, I'm sure.)

A small thought experiment

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 14:45:46 GMT

Imagine, for a moment, that those bombs that went off in the London Underground today actually went off in the New York or D.C. subway system.

What then? Scary, huh?

What was there to prevent it from being New York or D.C. today? Nothing. Nothing at all, but the whim of whoever planned the mission. (Well, that and the G8 summit in the U.K. right now, but work with me here.)

I can't stress that enough...NOTHING except blind luck could prevent that from happening here.

My point: GEORGE BUSH CANNOT MAKE YOU SAFER. HE HAS NOT MADE YOU SAFER.

Not that I expect to get through. But you need to get these things off your chest.

Not much else to add

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 05:06:26 GMT

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Fuck

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 05:01:59 GMT

Fucking fucking shit goddamn hell

Fuck fuck FUCK

http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=domesticNews&storyID=8919048

I think I may go cry now.

Fuck.

Ha ha! Triple entendre!

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 14:18:31 GMT

I have the single greatest avatar now in the history of the earth. If you don't watch "Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law" you won't get it. So watch it if you don't. You'll thank me.

And now....I have to get ready to go to Vegas! Stories when I return.

"He's a bear dammit! Buster brown and his hairy holly knockers, have you ever tried to bring one down?"

Ha ha!

So long, and thanks for all the fish

Wed, 04 May 2005 20:21:58 GMT

To those I know in the IUP graduating class of 2005:

My friends have gone and their lives have moved on and I guess that's just the way it is
If this town has grown beyond my home I guess it all comes down to this

I close my eyes and feel like it was back in the day
But those times have long been through
The dying of the light is gone but it's back in the day
Like a wish that comes half true

There was a time when it was easy to find a hangout that you knew was yours by name
And mine or not I could find the same spot but it's never gonna be the same
I've been away and I've seen too much, looks like I've been moving on as well
And when I started to not really belong I suppose I was unable to tell

But I ain't sad and no it isn't bad it's just one more thing that I'm coming to know
If you're alive you need to finish the ride
Ain't no telling where it's gonna go

I close my eyes and feel like it was back in the day
But those times have long been through
The dying of the light is gone but it's back in the day
Like a wish that comes half true

--Blues Traveler, "Back in the Day"

An explorer he went wandering
To satisfy his pondering
Basically meandering
Unsure of what he'd find
Braving any danger
But to his family he's a stranger
And from time to time he turns around
And this runs through his mind

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I'm going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I'm human and it's early
I swear I'll never forget again

There's a multitude of story
Some is clean and some is gory
But there is no need to worry
If you're sold or if you're bought
We're just spinning on some granite
That we like to call a planet
And if you need to contemplate
Well here's an optimistic thought

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I'm going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I'm human and it's early
I swear I'll never forget again

--Blues Traveler, "Optimistic Thought"

It's funny to think back to August 2001 and think how different everyone was then. How no one could have imagined what would happen in their own lives, to say nothing of the world at large.

My sincerest wishes of happiness, success, and good health to all of you. We did have interesting times.

Peace.

Pope Hitler

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 04:15:52 GMT

Oh, lovely. One of the leading candidates for Pope was a Hitler Youth member and Nazi soldier.

From the article:

"Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger -- a favorite to become the next pontiff -- joined the Nazi children's corps in 1941 as a 14-year-old and was later an anti-aircraft gunner.

At one point, he guarded a factory where slaves from a concentration camp were forced to work. He was later shipped to Hungary, where he reportedly saw Jews persecuted.

...

Ratzinger, a staunch conservative dubbed "God's Rottweiler," has said he joined the Hitler Youth when membership became compulsory. He and his brother were later drafted but deserted. The cardinal claims he never fired a shot and that resistance would have meant death. Not so, Germans from his hometown of Traunstein told The Times of London. "It was possible to resist, and those people set an example for others," recalled Elizabeth Lohner, 84. 'The Ratzingers were young — and they had made a different choice.'"

Dear Lord Jesus...please destroy all your followers. Amen.

Idiots Throughout the Ages

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 21:13:16 GMT

"The doctrine that the earth is neither the center of the universe nor immovable, but moves even with a daily rotation, is absurd, and both philosophically and theologically false, and at the least an error of faith."

--Catholic Church's decision against Galileo Galilei
=======

"When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil."

--Gary Potter, president of Catholics for Christian Political Action
=============

"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin." -

--Cardinal Bellarmine, 1615, during the trial of Galileo
=======

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.

-- Pat Robertson, interview with Molly Ivins, 1993.
=====

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."

--George Herbert Walker Bush, Former U. S. President, 1988.
====

"Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody's pseudo-right to worship an idol."

--Rev. Joseph Morecraft, Chalcedon Presbyterian Church, "Biblical Role of Civil Government" speech given 8/31/93 at Biblical Worldview and Christian Education Conference
===

"It's very healthy for a young girl to be deterred from promiscuity by fear of contracting a painful, incurable disease, or cervical cancer, or sterility, or the likelihood of giving birth to a dead, blind or brain-damaged baby (even ten years later when she may be happily married)."

--Phyllis Schlafly, founder and leader of the Eagle Forum

Presented without comment

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 06:54:24 GMT

"There does seem to be this misunderstanding out there that our [American political] system was created with a completely independent judiciary."
--Jeff Lungren, spokesman for Rep. James F. Sensenbrenner (R-Wis.)

The only guide to the Schiavo case you need to read

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 15:01:49 GMT

Trust me. I know you're as sick of the thing as I am, but you want to read this. Read all of it. You'll thank me.

Why do I hate America so much?

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 15:47:18 GMT

Because of shit like this. No LJ cut...you need to read this:

# The United States is 49th in the world in literacy (the New York Times, Dec. 12, 2004).

# The United States ranked 28th out of 40 countries in mathematical literacy (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

# Twenty percent of Americans think the sun orbits the earth. Seventeen percent believe the earth revolves around the sun once a day (The Week, Jan. 7, 2005).

# "The International Adult Literacy Survey...found that Americans with less than nine years of education 'score worse than virtually all of the other countries'" (Jeremy Rifkin's book The European Dream: How Europe's Vision of the Future Is Quietly Eclipsing the American Dream, p.78).

# Our workers are so ignorant and lack so many basic skills that American businesses spend $30 billion a year on remedial training (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

# "The European Union leads the U.S. in...the number of science and engineering graduates; public research and development (R&D) expenditures; and new capital raised" (The European Dream, p.70).

# "Europe surpassed the United States in the mid-1990s as the largest producer of scientific literature" (The European Dream, p.70).

# Nevertheless, Congress cut funds to the National Science Foundation. The agency will issue 1,000 fewer research grants this year (NYT, Dec. 21, 2004).

# Foreign applications to U.S. grad schools declined 28 percent last year. Foreign student enrollment on all levels fell for the first time in three decades, but increased greatly in Europe and China. Last year Chinese grad-school graduates in the U.S. dropped 56 percent, Indians 51 percent, South Koreans 28 percent (NYT, Dec. 21, 2004).

# The World Health Organization "ranked the countries of the world in terms of overall health performance, and the U.S. [was]...37th." In the fairness of health care, we're 54th. "The irony is that the United States spends more per capita for health care than any other nation in the world" (The European Dream, pp.79-80)

# "The U.S. and South Africa are the only two developed countries in the world that do not provide health care for all their citizens" (The European Dream, p.80).

# Lack of health insurance coverage causes 18,000 unnecessary American deaths a year. (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005.)

# "U.S. childhood poverty now ranks 22nd, or second to last, among the developed nations. Only Mexico scores lower" (The European Dream, p.81).

# Twelve million American families--more than 10 percent of all U.S. households--"continue to struggle, and not always successfully, to feed themselves." Families that "had members who actually went hungry at some point last year" numbered 3.9 million (NYT, Nov. 22, 2004).

# The United States is 41st in the world in infant mortality. Cuba scores higher (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005).

# Women are 70 percent more likely to die in childbirth in America than in Europe (NYT, Jan. 12, 2005).

# The leading cause of death of pregnant women in this country is murder (CNN, Dec. 14, 2004).

# The United States has lost 1.3 million jobs to China in the last decade (CNN, Jan. 12, 2005).

# U.S. employers eliminated 1 million jobs in 2004 (The Week, Jan. 14, 2005).

# Three million six hundred thousand Americans ran out of unemployment insurance last year; 1.8 million--one in five--unemployed workers are jobless for more than six months (NYT, Jan. 9, 2005).

# Japan, China, Taiwan, and South Korea hold 40 percent of our government debt. "By helping keep mortgage rates from rising, China has come to play an enormous and little-noticed role in sustaining the American housing boom" (NYT, Dec. 4, 2004).

# As of last June, the U.S. imported more food than it exported (NYT, Dec. 12, 2004).

# One-third of all U.S. children are born out of wedlock. One-half of all U.S. children will live in a one-parent house (CNN, Dec. 10, 2004).

# "Americans are now spending more money on gambling than on movies, videos, DVDs, music, and books combined" (The European Dream, p.28).

# "Nearly one out of four Americans [believe] that using violence to get what they want is acceptable" (The European Dream, p.32).

# Forty-three percent of Americans think torture is sometimes justified, according to a PEW Poll (Associated Press, Aug. 19, 2004).

# "Nearly 900,000 children were abused or neglected in 2002, the last year for which such data are available" (USA Today, Dec. 21, 2004).

# "The International Association of Chiefs of Police said that cuts by the [Bush] administration in federal aid to local police agencies have left the nation more vulnerable than ever" (USA Today, Nov. 17, 2004).

# Bush: 62,027,582 votes. Kerry: 59,026,003 votes. Number of eligible voters who didn't show up: 79,279,000 (NYT, Dec. 26, 2004).

USA! USA! USA!

Stolen from Jewstin

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 06:08:30 GMT

I believe these are the top 100 grossing movies ever and you're supposed to bold which ones you've seen. I italicized the ones I haven't seen to make them easier to see.

1. Titanic (1997)
2. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
3. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)
4. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Jurassic Park (1993)
7. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
8. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
9. Finding Nemo (2003)
10. Independence Day (1996)
11. Spider-Man (2002)
12. Star Wars (1977)
13. Lion King, The (1994)
14. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
15. Matrix Reloaded, The (2003)
16. Shrek 2 (2004)
17. Forrest Gump (1994)
18. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
19. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
20. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
21. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
22. Lost World: Jurassic Park, The (1997)
23. Passion of the Christ, The (2004)
24. Men in Black (1997)
25. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)
26. Armageddon (1998)
27. Mission: Impossible II (2000)
28. Home Alone (1990)
29. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
30. Monsters, Inc. (2001)
31. Day After Tomorrow, The (2004)
32. Ghost (1990)
33. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
34. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
35. Aladdin (1992)
36. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
37. Twister (1996)
38. Toy Story 2 (1999)
39. Troy (2004)
40. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
41. Jaws (1975)
42. Pretty Woman (1990)
43. Bruce Almighty (2003)
44. Matrix, The (1999)
45. Gladiator (2000)
46. Shrek (2001)
47. Mission: Impossible (1996)
48. Pearl Harbor (2001)
49. Ocean's Eleven (2001)
50. Last Samurai, The (2003)
51. Tarzan (1999)
52. Men in Black II (2002)
53. Die Another Day (2002)
54. Dances with Wolves (1990)
55. Matrix Revolutions, The (2003)
56. Cast Away (2000)
57. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
58. Mummy Returns, The (2001)
59. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
60. Mummy, The (1999)
61. Batman (1989)
62. Rain Man (1988)
63. Bodyguard, The (1992)
64. Signs (2002)
65. X2 (2003)
66. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)
67. Gone with the Wind (1939)
68. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
69. Grease (1978)
70. Ice Age (2002)
71. Beauty and the Beast (1991)
72. Godzilla (1998)
73. What Women Want (2000)
74. Fugitive, The (1993)
75. True Lies (1994)
76. Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995)
77. Notting Hill (1999)
78. Jurassic Park III (2001)
79. There's Something About Mary (1998)
80. Planet of the Apes (2001)
81. Flintstones, The (1994)
82. Toy Story (1995)
83. Minority Report (2002)
84. Bug's Life, A (1998)
85. Exorcist, The (1973)
86. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
87. Basic Instinct (1992)
88. World Is Not Enough, The (1999)
89. GoldenEye (1995)
90. Back to the Future (1985)
91. Se7en (1995)
92. Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
93. Hannibal (2001)
94. Deep Impact (1998)
95. Dinosaur (2000)
96. Pocahontas (1995)
97. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
98. Top Gun (1986)
99. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
100. Catch Me If You Can (2002)

I'm....speechless....

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 03:02:28 GMT

The things you can find on EBay.

Links like this make TotalFark worth 5 bucks a month.

UPDATE: Sweet saccharine Jesus used to flavor iced tea!

The Doctor is dead

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 07:10:18 GMT

Hunter S. Thompson has killed himself. And the world gets a little darker...

Tom Tomorrow: Genius

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 18:02:36 GMT

Christ, he really knocked it out of the park this week. This has to be one of his Top 15 ever. http://www.workingforchange.com/comic.cfm?itemid=18548

I fucking hate the History Channel

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 05:23:58 GMT

What a sad decline of a formerly great network.

All that's on anymore is a bizarre string of programs that caters to the right wing cult of weaponry, technological gadgetry and UFO/Nostradamus mystic bullshit.

I just heard a program declare that it was entirely possible that aliens gave the Ten Commandments to Moses. They then went on to declare that the Old Testament prophet Elijah was abducted by aliens.

Unreal. Who fucking comes up with this shit?

My lame attempt at satire

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 01:49:54 GMT

"CBS TO USE REAL LIFE SETTING FOR NEW CSI SERIES"

NEW YORK(AP)--At a press conference this morning, CBS president Leslie Moonves proudly announced a third spinoff of the network's runaway hit, Crime Scene Investigation or "CSI." While the three previous shows were set in the American cities of Las Vegas, Miami, and New York, this one will be set in Iraq at the Abu Ghraib prison in Baghdad.

"We feel this setting is fertile ground to bring viewers the kind of exciting drama they've come to expect from the CSI series," said Moonves.

Abu Ghraib was the scene of shocking prisoner abuses by United States military personnel in the aftermath of the March 2003 invasion of Iraq. The abuses first came to light in the late spring of 2004. Among other things, prisoners were sexually violated by lightbulbs, attacked by dogs, stacked in nude human pyramids, forced to simulate sex acts on each other, and compelled to watch sexual intercourse between male and female troops.

Moonves listed these abuses and said that they were "...but the tip of the iceberg of the kind of activity that went on there. We feel that audiences will tune in to watch each of these crimes being solved and the culprits found. From a purely selfish business perspective, this whole situation is a creative television goldmine! Screw Dick Wolf's "ripped from the headlines" crap. This'll be true to life!"

When asked if there were any risks involved in such a project, Moonves said, "The only one we've been able to think of is lack of interest among the public. No one seems to give a damn about Abu Ghraib or what went on there. Most probably don't even know about it. We feel, however, that Americans have an easier time watching fictionalized drama and that this may be a good way of introducing them to it. Maybe even schools will start showing it as educational!"

Moonves also fielded questions about possible FCC recriminations due to the risque scenes that will have to be authentically re-enacted. "Fuck 'em," he exclaimed, "Fuck 'em raw. The fucking fuckers fucked me on the fucking Janet fucking Jackson fucking nonsense. I don't fucking give a fucking shit anymore. So fucking broadcast this and fucking tell the fuckers I said to lick me. Shit, this is for a newspaper, huh? Nevermind."

Finally, Mr. Moonves was mostly tight lipped about possible stars. However, rumors have been flying that Bruce Willis, Tom Selleck, Charlie Daniels, Chuck Norris, and Drew Carey were all offered roles and subsequently turned them down, most with a variation on, "Who gives a good goddamn? Buncha goddamn terrorist ragheads anyway. SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT FOR HE IS OUR SOURCE OF LIGHT AND LIFE!"

Chuck Heston was also reportedly offered a role, but declined, issuing a statement that read, "Let my people go from my cold dead hands. Ice T is a jerk and OH MY GOD HERE COMES MICHAEL MOORE AGAIN!"

When reached for a response comment, conservative radio personality Rush Limbaugh had only this to say, "It doesn't sound to me like there's very much here to make a TV series out of. The actions of a few bad apples doing frat pranks can only fill a couple of mildly interesting episodes at best. Oh, and I told you all in the liberal media that Donovan McNabb sucked." Mr. Limbaugh was then seen to down a peanut butter and Vicodin sandwich with Valium laced milk.

Sean Hannity was also offered the chance to give a response, but he only wanted to know how his hair looked and if his jaw was "extra square" today or not. Alan Colmes was likewise unavailable, being pre-occupied with picking up Sean's dry cleaning.

CSI: Abu Ghraib will likely debut next year as a midseason replacement, but be pulled before the midterm elections to avoid not supporting the president and his party in a time of war

Kos lets them have it

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 23:58:10 GMT

From http://www.dailykos.com/

"This war is long past lost. Time to pack it in, and save the lives of our men and women in uniform that will otherwise face a barrage of bullets and RPG rounds during their extended stay in the desert.

In the feverish minds of the war apologists, it doesn't matter that no WMDs were found, that torture chambers are still open for business, that this war is now rivaling Saddam's brutality for sheer number of Iraqis killed, that the Army, Marines, and National Guard are all having trouble recruiting, that our equipment is degrading to the point where we're creating a hollow military, that the war is costing us $200 billion and counting, that Israel is not safer as a result of this war, that nearly 1,600 allied troops and counting have died on this fool's errand, that the US's original choice to lead Iraq -- Chalabi -- was an Iranian spy who told our enemies that we had cracked their communications code, that most of Iraq is not under government control, that terrorists are now using the lawlessness in Iraq to recruit and train a whole new generation of terrorists, that our "Coalition of the Willing" is now a mere shell of its former self, that the world hates the United States, that the Euro is suddenly the hot currency, that Europe and Asia are both creating security organizations excluding the US, and that tens of thousands of our soldiers are coming home physically and mentally maimed.

None of that matters to them.

But they see the war getting out of hand. They've see our chances of victory go from little to nothing. And they've got to blame someone. Anyone. And of course, it can't be Saint George, because he's perfect and can do no wrong. So blame Kennedy. Blame Boxer. Blame France. Blame Canada. Blame anti-war bloggers. Because it is they who have botched up the Iraqi campaign to the point of no hope. If it wasn't for them, our troops would still be basking in a flood of rose petals.

...

But at the end of the day, whether they'll ever admit it or not -- we were right, they were wrong. Reality isn't being too kind to their side."

If y'all know any pro war wing nuts, and let them see that and watch them flail.